Motherhood Diaries: 5 Months with Owen
My sweet little Owen. You have changed me as a mama these past five months. Your sweet smiles from day one, the way you love to snuggle and receive all my kisses happily. I love your long lashes and the way your eyes watch us. The way you smirk when you are delighted by someone and then tuck your head into my chest bashfully smiling with your eyes closed. I knew when you were in my tummy so much about you already. I knew you would be kind and strong. I imagined you one day fighting for the good in the world with these attributes. I imagined you being able to handle hard things, not be swayed too easily, with a level head and a soft and humorous heart. The night you were born when I saw your face I knew what I had felt inside of my belly was who you really were. You lifted your head up holding it on your own and even flashed me a smile. I just knew. There was my strong and kind little boy.
The name Owen means valiant warrior but also gracious gift from God. I didn't know this till after we picked it for you and it couldn’t be more fitting. You punched and kicked in every direction simultaneously in my belly all day and night, yet you made me laugh, I knew you were silly while you were showing me your strength. You have the kindest eyes and they love people. Every person who approaches you gets locked onto and flashed the sweetest smile. You are friendly, you are boisterous and loud, but also can be soft and sweet and calm, especially on your mama.
Because of a few pelvic organ prolapses I couldn’t carry you in a wrap on me in the early months. It melted my heart because you would have loved it (and so would have I) but I did lay in bed with you on my chest at least once, if not twice, a day for your naps. So did your dad. We loved the calm we felt with you breathing and sleeping on us with your smooshed chubby cheeks and arms wrapped around our chest. You took to a swaddle and the bassinet so well, being easy going as always. You slept so solid that a little flat spot began to form on the back of your head, so I took you out of the swaddle that day, placed you in the crib on your tummy, and after a few days of exploring your new freedom ;) you loved it too. Now your head is round again and you roll to your tummy on your own. You wake me up with chitter chatter most of the time, just cooing and grunting for some milk. Every once in a while you will cry and it pierces the airspace like no other, you have a power behind it and are very well heard - ha! But you stop when your needs are met, some milk, a bounce, seeing your sister’s face.
Speaking of your sister, you love her. Anytime she is in the room your eyes follow her with a smile. All she has to do is stand there and talk and you are mesmerized. But of course that isn’t all that she will do, she will dance and sing and play with toys and show you how to do it all. Sometimes you will let out a sad cry when I am holding you and turn in a way you can no longer see her, or if I walk into a different room. You won’t stop till I go back to where she is, it is the cutest thing.
Moving onto your dad, man does he get you excited! I’m pretty sure he gets the biggests smiles in the house and he can make you squeal and shriek with giggles. You love it when he pretends to wrestle you or gives you his hair to hold onto. You squeal when you have his hair and have the silliest smile like you are downright giddy. I love knowing at the end of each day when your dad walks through the door home from work you are going to explode with happiness. Even if you are happy here all day, it renews to a new level when dad is home!
Lastly, with me. My sweet boy. My shoulder is your favorite, I am your preferred person to rest on or feel calm with and I love it so much. Nursing you has been a breeze and you are just the cuddliest little baby. Your smiles melt my heart and you give them to me all day long. I feel like we are just two peas in a pod and can ebb and flow together all day. There is some kind of connection we have in our minds I can already feel, it puts me at ease and makes me feel at peace around you.
You. Make. Us. Giggle. Some of my favorite ways you make me laugh in a day include how you like to hold your toes, smile, and shriek, whenever I take your diaper off. Or how whenever I roll you to your tummy for a nap you let out a little toot. Sometimes when you come out of a breastfeed your eyes are so open wide when they look at me it’s as if you’re coming out of a different world and wondering where you are, it's so funny. You love to jump. We will hold you under your armpits and place your feet on a surface and you will bend your legs and bounce/jump over and over. Seemingly you will never get tired! Our arms always wear out before you do, haha. You shriek and squeal and smile and roll constantly — you like to have fun and already grab for our food whenever we try to eat! I’m looking forward to feeding you in another month, I can tell you are going to love food and be a hoot and make a good ole mess. You also smile whenever we wake you, even if your eyes are still closed, you crack a smile. Seemingly just happy to hear us and wake up. You embody joy.
This postpartum has been a gift from God with you, I cry whenever I think about how redeeming this second experience has been. Having postpartum anxiety so sever with your sweet sis made my first go at this pretty miserable. I always knew it was suppose to feel different. Having recovered from what was causing my PPA before falling pregnant with you has made all the difference. I would give birth to 10 more babies like you (but don’t worry, I won’t Scotty - haha) just to have this experience again. I cry when I think I won’t ever get to go back to your birth night and do it all over again. I would in a heartbeat. I wish I could give birth to you once a year for the rest of my life. There are no words to explain the redemption and joy your delivery and presence has brought to me my sweet little Owen.
You are a forever gift... I am so glad you are here. Happy five months!
