Riley Sunday's Birth Story
Sitting here, looking at the above image, I still don’t believe it is true. I grew this little girl? The feet kicking and hands fluttering inside of me while pregnant are the same ones attached to the baby above? All inconceivable to me today, still. We didn’t know the gender of our baby beforehand and the last scan we had (one of two) was done at 20 weeks. We really didn’t know who this little person inside of me might be. There was only my imagination and the special connection we had together from being so close for so long.
Seeing Riley on the outside really felt like I was being handed another baby, one that was ours, but different that the one I had been growing in my belly. Have any other moms experienced this feeling? Thinking harder while looking at her now, I tear up. Those are the little feet I had beckoned to kick me as I laid my hand on my tummy during the day. This was the soul I was speaking to when I would ask in my mind what we should have for a meal or what activity we should do that day. She is who we played music too, who liked Queen and the Foo Fighters, and especially her dad’s guitar playing. It was always you, Riley girl, and this truth is still washing over me each day.
Here is the story of how Riley Sunday came from womb to world—and how Scott and I entered into a new world too.
Why we pursued home birth:
If you’ve read my most recent health story update, you know we began our journey to parenthood several years ago. Over six years approaching the creation of Riley, while I was unable to fall pregnant, I spent quite a bit of time watching other’s pregnancy and child raising experiences around me. Many of them were through the world of YouTube. It was through Ellen Fisher and Sarah Lemkus’s channels that I came to learn about home water birth and gentle child raising. These woman, alongside many others since, inspired me deeply. I fell in love with the connection between our bodies as women and the birthing process. I began to lose the fear I had about birth previously and began to really see myself as a mom. I owe a huge thank you to these two women, and all women, who put their pregnancy, birth, and child raising experiences out in the open for the world to see. It cannot be easy to do, with the critiquing nature of today’s world, but my goodness am I grateful for their strength to do so despite it all. It connects us to one another, as women and mothers (as well as fathers), and really gave me the knowledge and desire to pursue much of what I do, and did, through the pregnancy and birth process (and now as a mom too!).
How we chose our midwife:
I somehow hadn't thought to research midwives in our area before falling pregnant, this was silly! Consider it the first of many oversights I made when considering what pregnancy and childbirth would be like beforehand. I hadn't considered what it might be like trying to find someone while being incredibly ill with morning sickness — whoops! But it worked out, still. Through a google search I came across Tessa of Abundant Blessings Midwifery and felt very called to ask her for a consult. She came the next day. We had the same sandals, connected over both being plant based (her longer than us!), she homeschooled her kids (something we wish to do also), we shared the same faith, and she nonchalantly mentioned I may know of her sister in law, Ellen Fisher (mentioned above). On top of being extremely well qualified as a midwife and possessing a comforting presence, these small details felt like a sign she was a great match for us too.
What does it look like to have a midwife?
Tessa ran her practice out of her clients’ homes. This meant all appointments were done at our house, this was really nice! We only had to go elsewhere for the two ultrasounds we had during pregnancy, otherwise, everything (including tests and bloodwork) was able to be done in the comfort of our home. This was especially wonderful seeing as we were pregnant throughout the COVID pandemic and felt very fortunate that the place we went for our scans allowed Scott to be in the room too—I couldn’t imagine being there without him and feel deeply for those who were separated from their partners during scans and visits in the pandemic. As for appointments, they were every month, then every two weeks, then every week getting closer to delivery. My favorites were the appointments towards the end when we went over the birth kit together. It was surreal when she dropped off her birthing tub for us to keep on hand for labor—it felt as if it was really happening then! What was extra lovely were the five additional visits she made during postpartum. She conducted all of the newborn checkups until Riley was two months old, as well as checked on me and answered lots of newbie parent questions via text. We loved having a midwife and doing everything, including birth, at home felt very natural to us. (This could not be the case for you and I hope to mention here home births are not above hospital births in my eyes! Being educated on your birth choices and making the decision you are most comfortable with is truly the best type of birth for every one of us.)
Riley’s Birth
It was Sunday morning , May 2nd, at 5am when I woke unable to sleep. It was five days after my due date and I couldn’t help but grab my phone and re-read what the early signs of labor would be—we were very excited to meet this little human. After confirming what I knew, I rolled out of bed and decided to make some coffee to start the day.
I was standing in the kitchen waiting for my coffee to brew, it was dark outside, and the house was dark aside from the kitchen light. It felt really peaceful in this quiet moment of anticipation. I felt a warm feeling down my leg and was standing in a puddle of fluid. My water had released! I waddled into the bathroom and hopped in the shower to rinse off and check to make sure the color and odor were normal. They were, and after cleaning myself up a bit, put on some fresh clothes with a pad (because the water kept releasing more every time I moved, haha).
I thought for sure Scott heard me shower, so I bent over him in bed and asked if he was awake. I asked a second time, like all people do when they realize the person isn’t awake but want them to be, and he rolled over and said “I am now”. I told him what happened, his eyes shot wide open, and then I kindly told him he could go back to sleep because I hadn’t experienced any contractions/surges as of yet. He tried to sleep. But that wasn’t going to happen, we were too excited. I climbed back in bed with him around 6:15am and let him know I had just had my first surge. We cried, took the same photo we took in bed together when I told him I was pregnant in the same way nine months previously, and held hands as the surges passed.
I began labor with my contractions lasting 1 minute and spaced 2 to 3 minutes apart. This lasted for the next 10 hours before I went into transition and then pushing. It was exhausting and truthfully, more painful than I had anticipated. After about 6 hours I was in such pain and struggling to cope that our midwife told us we could begin setting up the birth tub and she would be over soon.
I was laying on the floor, half naked, eyes closed, and breathing deeply behind the tub when our midwife, Tessa, arrived. She checked my cervix and I was 8 to 9 centimeters dilated. She said I could climb into the birthing tub if I was ready. Oh was I ready. The pain relief was instant, thank goodness for the tub! I cried tears of relief and hung over the edge, eyes closed, going between crying and looking as if I was asleep.
I don’t believe I ever felt a break I’ve heard you’re supposed to, even when the contraction had passed, and we believe this might have been due to a complication I’ll share more on later in this story. Eventually my midwife told me I needed to move around and change positions to help me progress. I remember thinking that I couldn’t do it, moving was incredibly painful and the contraction pain would worsen when I did. She also said I should get out of the tub and move to the floor, the bed, or walk around.
Oh the pain. I could barely stand this for a short while. I was standing in our bedroom with my arms wrapped around Scott’s shoulders, he was holding me up and the three midwives present were telling me they knew what I was feeling, that they had been there before, and that I was going to make it through like they did too. I was really grateful for their presence and encouragement, even if I was too weak to respond.
These three women, plus Scott, were my team, I needed them and couldn’t have done any part of this without their presence. I have truthfully never felt so weak. Being incredibly honest here, I was crying most of labor and felt very broken. This was not what I had expected—and knowing the only way out was moving through this terrified me.
I climbed back into the tub, our little angel was dropping and now very low in my pelvis. I remember thinking, “I want to go to the hospital and have an epidural,” but was too weak to speak. Tessa looked at me minutes later and serendipitously said, “Jessie, your baby is coming, we are not transferring you, you are going to push this baby out.”
The pushing began after this and Scott climbed into the birthing tub with me. I didn’t think I would have him do so before giving birth, he and I thought it sounded a bit gross to be honest. But when they asked me at that moment would I like him to get in the tub with me, I wanted nothing more. He climbed behind me and held me in his arms as I began to push. This went on for four hours and progressed to a squatting pushing position, and then back to reclining on Scott.
Eventually all three midwives held my feet up for me. Each contraction I would hold my breath for ten seconds and they would count as I pushed. We would do this three times every contraction. They would cheer, tell me what they were seeing, and eventually had me feel the tip of my baby’s head as she crowned.
In those final pushes, as her beautiful head crowned and she twisted and spun out of my body, I experienced what it felt like to give every ounce of my strength. Truly, I believe it was Jesus who gave me strength in this space of incredible weakness, I cannot begin to describe the feeling. It was as if there was an outside force carrying me through that I needed to surrender to. I had nothing left in me, yet it happened still! Our baby girl arrived underwater with her eyes wide open looking up at us and her new world. All nine pounds, four ounces, and twenty one in a half inches of her.
When my midwife told me she was out I didn’t believe it, I remember asking, “The baby is out? All the way?”. Tessa asked Scott and I if we would like to meet our baby and I have never cried such relieving tears when she passed our little girl up to us. My umbilical cord was very short. She just made it to my chest, barely, and we sat there gasping at a new soul!
A few minutes passed before Tessa asked if we’d like to see if she was a boy or a girl. I hadn’t even thought! We saw she was a girl and looked one another. “Riley?” Scott asked. “Yes!” I replied. Later after lots of cooing over her I asked what day it was, having no concept of time, and they said it was 11pm on Sunday night. I looked to Scott and asked, “Sunday?” And he replied, “Yes.” She was now our Riley Sunday.
I eventually climbed out of the tub, carefully holding our baby girl while she was still attached (the very short umbilical cord made this tricky but it worked, haha). The midwives supported me to the couch next to the tub, covered in blankets. I held our sweet girl as they continued to help her clear water from her lungs and to latch to my breast for the first time. Riley was slow to come up to speed in terms of blood oxygen and circulation. She was very purple but had a healthy heart rate. After just a little time she began to pink up and her oxygen level was normal. Phew!
After some time, I can’t remember exactly, the umbilical cord stopped pulsating and Scott had the honor of clipping her sweet lifeline from me. Tessa had me stand and squat next to the couch to deliver my placenta afterwards. I was very relieved when this was over with, knowing I could just lay, rest, and recover as of now.
We eventually were moved to our bedroom, Scott and I laying in bed, holding little Riley. The assistant midwives gave us a “tour” of the placenta, showing the sack Riley had grown in, the different veins, and where the placenta had detached from my uterus. It was fascinating! I couldn’t believe at this moment I had given birth, it had really happened. I looked at the placenta and then down at Riley, in awe.
The midwives left at around 3:30am. I didn’t tear during labor but Riley did knick me a little on her way out, so Tessa gave me a few small stitches up my birth canal before leaving. I truly felt nothing having it done, she numbed me beforehand and it felt very quick. One thing that was harder to tell was how much I was able to urinate after labor. This is apparently a really important thing to do, not something I knew at this time. Seeing as I was pretty numb down there and bleeding I had a hard time knowing how much came out when I tried. Not having this detail realized for what it was and acted upon at this moment lead to a very not fun complication we had to cope with during postpartum.
I’ll go into more detail about this in the postpartum healing section below, but first, a few photos from birth thanks to Scott and one of the lovely midwives for snapping—I am forever grateful for these otherwise bleary-in-my-mind moments having been captured to reflect upon (Scott also rigged a camera to record the birth, it was insanely amazing to watch, even if it did take me a month to feel comfortable doing so!).
Postpartum Healing
Holding Riley in our arms the first night and following day was beyond magical. She was (and is) perfect to us. I’ve never cried so many happy tears in my life as I did these first few weeks!
But let’s focus on the day following her birth and get into the complication that lead us to having a postpartum journey we didn’t expect.
I slept a few hours early Monday morning once the midwives left and Scott stayed awake with little Riley. I woke up with pain in my lower abdomen that was very similar to the pain I felt all of labor. I assumed it was contractions, having been told they could come and go for the next few days. By 10am I was in such pain I had to ask Scott to hurry to the pharmacy to pick up some ibuprofen, the arnica tablets I had been taking weren’t offering any relief. I was laying in bed hovering over Riley, smiling and cooing at her with tears pouring down my cheeks from the pain.
Whenever I got up, or moved in any way, the pain was worse. Once I was able to take some ibuprofen the pain seemed to decrease to manageable levels for the afternoon, I was very grateful. But then it returned in the evening and I could barely hold and breastfeed Riley from the discomfort. I spent most of the night awake, crying and telling myself this was a part of the healing and I needed to push through. At 7:45am the next morning I was texting Tessa (our midwife) asking for more help with the pain. She was coming to our house at 8:45am to do a checkup of me and Riley and said she would bring a few things.
Tessa arrived to me sobbing in bed, unable to get up and walk on my own. She told me the pain I was experiencing was very abnormal and calmly said we should go to the ER. This really worried me, Tessa wouldn’t say this unless it was a big deal. She said it was hard to tell what was going on but that my uterus felt larger than after birth and it could be that there was a blockage inside not allowing it to empty itself properly of blood and tissue.
She tended to Riley for her checkup and then her and Scott hurriedly packed our things in the car with our baby girl. Needing support they walked me inch by inch out to the car in tears. Getting up and into the car seat and sitting in general was excruciatingly painful. I moaned and groaned and sobbed as Scott drove us to the ER. Riley girl was so calm and slept in the carseat—I felt terrible not being able to be the happy, cuddly mom I knew I wanted to be for her in these first experiences after birth!
We arrived at the ER and a man seeing us hobbling across the parking lot (Scott carrying two backpacks, Riley, and supporting me so I could slowly inch along) came out to us with a wheel chair and took us inside. They allowed Scott and Riley to be checked into a room with me because of her need to breastfeed (thank goodness). I laid in bed groaning so loudly, eventually someone came to check on us and I begged for a doctor who could give me pain meds. I was again, sobbing, as well as contorting my face and body in so much pain.
To skip along, I had three doctors come in to see me. One felt my abdomen and said I needed to have my bladder scanned (I was like forget my bladder, it is my uterus and I need PAIN MEDS NOW), another went over my pain med options while breastfeeding, and a third came in last—her name was Maria. Maria looked at me sternly and said I am not giving you medication until I drain your bladder. I looked at her pleadingly but knew she was certain, so I bit my lip and sat there as she drained me.
The euphoria came over me quickly as the pain began to disappear… then it was gone completely! It was my bladder? How could that have happened? She explained to me that I had a desensitized bladder that had become enlarged—due to nerve damage because of the pressure of my uterus on it during labor, I had lost the ability to signal to my bladder to contract and pee. She said she had never drained so much urine from a patient before (and she works in the ER!), I had been holding on to two liters.
They sent me to have an ultrasound done to make sure my uterus was okay. It was, but my bladder was somehow full again. They drained me once more and, yup, another two liters came out. That makes four liters of fluid my body had been holding onto, unable to release. Holy heck, no wonder the pain was so severe. Maria explained that it could take a few days or so for my bladder to recover, the other doctor working with me said it could take a week. Therefore I had an in-place-catheter put inside of me to wear for the following week until I was to have a follow up appointment with a urologist to assess my healing.
(Apparently having this complication during labor can cause the labor to be more painful as well as take longer. Which means I’m not entirely sure how much pain or length was added due to my enlarged and desensitized bladder. It could have possibly been a better experience had this not happened or been treated during!)
The following week I didn’t leave the house, which was perfectly okay, I didn't want to! Laying in bed with little Riley and hobbling around the house here or there occasionally whilst carrying a pee bag attached to the tube coming out of me was heaven. I was no longer in pain and could enjoy Riley fully. This was amazing. I still sing praises to the doctors in the ER who helped me that day. They were wonderful towards us, really helpful and kind. I still need to send Maria a cake or some cookies. She was a hoot, I really enjoyed talking with her after I was drained and thanked her profusely. The lady who was my transport to getting an ultrasound done was also such a fun human. She pushed my bed through the halls and it had awesome hydraulics, I felt like I was on a hospital themed Disney Land ride, haha. She knew everyone and was always chatting to me and others down the halls. It was a really positive environment if I’m to be honest! Never would have expected such an experience at an ER.
The urologist had me remove my catheter and see if I could pee on my own at home a week later. I sadly wasn't able to and took the option of self-catheterizing a few times a day until my bladder healed. The urologist was very kind and well educated, but he did say my bladder could possibly never heal. This wrecked Scott and I but we tried to have faith and take it one day at a time. The ambiguity of “if” I would heal or not was the toughest part of my recovery process. Thankfully it only took another two full weeks of self-cathing before the miraculous day came where I didn't need to any longer. I had the urge to pee and could empty myself completely! They confirmed this with a bladder scan and I walked out of the urology appointment on cloud nine. The labor injury could finally be left behind us, exactly one month to the day of my ER visit.
But sadly my recovery hadn’t ended just yet. I contracted a UTI from my catheter use, which was apparently something very common. This meant I would have to take antibiotics. The last time I took these was six years previous and was the catapult that sent my health down a spiraling path. This really saddened me, especially since they would have a small effect on my breastmilk which could affect Riley.
I tried a a few natural solutions with my naturopath first but they didn’t eradicate the bacteria. So I went on the antibiotics for a week and followed a special mouth swab and probiotic protocol with Riley to help ease any symptoms of potential diarrhea or thrush which could develop. We made it through the antibiotics unscathed, Riley was a trooper and totally okay. My gut will show me in the coming months how it faired, but currently is back to simply acting its normal semi-sensitiveness it was before pregnancy.
Now I can finally say the complication is over and we are doing well! My vaginal healing happened throughout this and I honestly don’t know if I noticed it to be honest. If I hadn't experienced the bladder complication I probably would have told a very different physical recovery story! But alas, it happened, and it was a really challenging time for Scott and I emotionally. In the midst of caring for a newborn for the first time and having your life already flipped upside down is a lot without the added stress of an ER and multiple doctors visits.
We had chosen a home birth for many reasons, but one was to avoid having to go to doctors and hospitals. Ha! Expectations aren’t reality, reality will greet you anyway. I am grateful for how everything played out and know my complication was very small compared with others. We had a beautifully healthy baby and I healed perfectly okay, in time. What more can I ask for? I am grateful beyond belief.
I shared a bit about my bladder issue on Instagram when it was happening and had several other women shared with me they had experienced something similar at birth—but most had never met anyone else who had too. So if you are reading this and have a similar story, you aren’t alone! And if you are about to have a baby and find yourself unable to pee at any point during labor, I recommend asking for a catheter :).
Here are a few photos of Riley in the first week after being born. Oh, she has already changed so much! Approaching 11 weeks old this weekend. Baby girl, you are precious beyond words. I’m so happy to be your mom.
Thank you for reading my (and Riley’s) birth story! I hope it was helpful, enlightening, or to some degree enjoyable for you. I need to be pinched daily to believe this is my story at all. It feels like it took years to get here and in a blink of an eye I have an amazing daughter. For those trying to conceive and struggling, my heart is for you. Remember, anything can happen in a day.
x Jessie
